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Did you know that there are over 40 different types of wrenches? Some are common enough, like the trusty adjustable wrench, while others are specialized and probably unfamiliar, like the dog bone wrench. But the complexity doesn't stop there. Even the recognizable adjustable wrench can come in Metric, SAE or even AF (if that bolt happens to have been made before the mid-70s). Then you have brand names, colors, materials, grips and on and on.  Finding the right wrench for the right job can be surprisingly difficult. Use the wrong one and you break the wrench, the bolt or worse! So what does a wrench have to do with leadership?  A lot. I can remember when I left home for college, my father gave me a ‘starter’ toolbox with all the basic tools I would need as I headed out on my own.  They were all familiar and over the years he had shown me how each one was used. There weren’t hundreds of wrenches, just one, but I knew what a wrench was, and I knew enough not to try and hammer in nails with it. When I think back to my first leadership position, I wasn’t so lucky.  I had been promoted based on doing one type of work into a leadership role where I would be doing entirely new things.  In hindsight, I was unprepared in many ways, but the biggest hurdle was that no one provided me with a set of basic tools that I could use to help me get things done.  Worse than that, I only had my own experience in watching other leaders, so at best I could mimic their behavior (or the opposite of it in a lot of cases). Almost all of the management or leadership training I received over the years in different organizations was geared toward a detailed description of an outcome – i.e. how to ‘correctly’ complete the annual performance evaluation form.  No one went into detail on why it was important and how to actually manage performance, but I knew what boxes needed to be filled out on which forms, who needed to fill out what and by what date it was due. If I got that done, I could check the box, and everyone was happy.  Except me. Being a leader is more than checking a box and we should be equipping leaders with the tools that they’ll need today and as they grow.  It’s a lifelong process of continuously refining skills and tools that become more and more specialized based on the situation. Exceptional leaders have the giant free standing tool chest.  They have a drawer full of wrenches. They know how each one is used and when to use it versus another. They understand the value and responsibility of being a leader and treat it as a vocation.  They are on a journey of mastery, but never become masters because there is always more to learn – which is why they keep adding new tools and discarding those that are no longer useful. As you look at yourself or at your organization, do you feel that leaders are being supported and prepared?  Do new leaders get ‘thrown in the pool’ and are expected to figure it out as they go? Do experienced leaders have resources available to help them grow?  Do leaders know what is expected of them and the why and how behind those expectations? Having worked with hundreds of leaders around the world, I would be comfortable saying that many of you would answer ‘no’ to most, if not all, of these questions.  In my experience, many leaders want to learn and grow but aren’t given the time or space to do it. In some organizations, it is even considered a negative to need or ask for training when you’re in a leadership position.  There is perceived value in ongoing training and development for everyone except for the leadership team. If we truly want to take advantage of everything good leadership can do for an organization, we should treat it like we would any technical discipline.   We need to remove the stigma of a leader working on their development (yes, that means even the C-Level team) and put real training programs in place that allow our leaders to start building a consistent set of tools.  Consistent tools applied expertly turn into the kinds of results that we are all looking for. Leaders that are inspired and inspiring. Teams that are engaged and motivated. A culture that invites curiosity and growth.  An organization that is thriving.

Have you ever had ‘one of those days’, where one thing after another seems to go pear-shaped on you? By the end of it, you’re wearing a collage of the things you had to eat and drink, you have a bigger pile of work than when you started, and you just want to go sit in a dark corner and pray for a do-over. The truth is, we’ve all had those days, and sometimes it feels like those days string together into weeks and months of struggling. It reminds me of a quote by Pema Chödrön, Nothing ever goes away until it has taught us what we need to know. Every day we’re surrounded by opportunities to learn and grow. It may be as simple as that spilled coffee reminding you to slow down or as profound as someone saying the right thing at the right time and it changes the trajectory of your life. Teachers are around us all the time; some come into our lives for a moment and some for a lifetime. It’s up to us to be open and aware enough to receive the gift of the lessons they bring. At the same time, we’re teachers for those around us. The things we say and do can have a profound impact on someone, often much more than we realize. Harsh words may shut someone down from contributing, while supportive and constructive feedback will have the opposite effect. The extra moment you spend with a loved one can be just what they need when they’re having a difficult day. Slowing down in our lives has never been more difficult, particularly when speeding up is the answer many choose when things get difficult. When we slow down, we not only see what is happening around us, but we more intentionally create our lives. We shift from reacting to circumstances to planting seeds that will support the lives we will have tomorrow. We become receptive and adept students, learning the lessons the teachers in our lives bring. We become considerate teachers who are aware of our own behaviors and the impact we have on the people around us. So, the next time you are having ‘one of those days’, take a moment to consider – what does today have to teach me? What messages, intentional or not, did I put out there today? The answers just might surprise you.

Have you ever felt like you needed to put on a suit of armor before you headed into work? Or maybe you have someone in your life whose number makes you cringe when you see it because you know you’re about to get unloaded on. You can probably think of a few more examples (or even many) where there are people or environments that just don’t feel good anymore. There are lots of reasons why we end up in these situations, but the number one is because it’s comfortable. That may seem like crazy talk, but people are remarkably resilient and will put up with a surprising amount of discomfort and even downright pain to avoid having to confront the truth. Maybe that truth is that a relationship you are in has become one-sided over time and no longer serves you, so it’s time to let it go. Or maybe that job that you once loved is something you now dread getting out of bed in the morning for and it’s time to move on. It’s not about the facts, but how you feel and putting that ahead of everything else. Facing what’s true in our lives and how we really feel about something can be tough. Even getting down to how we really feel can be a challenge, as we rarely slow down and get quiet enough to check in with ourselves. It can be difficult to have a conversation with someone that puts your true feelings out there when you know that they aren’t going to like it. It can make you feel anxious, vulnerable or even afraid. Sometimes you may need to get support to deal with a particularly challenging situation and you should always seek out the right kind of support if abuse (physical or emotional) is involved. Putting yourself first isn’t easy, but you’re the only person who can, and no one can do it for you. When we put our own truth ahead of what others may think or feel, we are telling ourselves that we have value and that we matter. It doesn’t mean that the things we may need to let go of weren’t valued or didn’t have a place in our lives at one time. It does mean that people and situations are constantly changing, and letting go of what doesn’t work allows room for the things that do. You only have a finite amount of time and energy in your life – why not choose things that contribute to your life in a positive way. As you go through this week and the busy holiday season, take time to check in with your inner wisdom to root out the things in your life that just need to go. When you find them (and you will), look for a way to gracefully exit the relationship or situation. If you need support to do it, allow yourself to get it. Make you the most important thing in your life and give yourself the gift of the life you deserve.

As the last month of 2019 kicks off, how many of us have already staked our happiness on what will happen in 2020? We have already 'written off' December as a month where something new or transformative won’t happen because we'll be busy with all of the excitement...and obligations...of the holiday season. It isn't that we don't have the same amount of time available to us or even the desire to change. But somewhere along the way the idea of a fresh start with the new year grabbed a hold of us and with it came the perfect excuse to just coast through December. In January, we'll focus, buckle down and make things happen, but until then, please pass the cookies. That's just the anti-motivation we need to overindulge in those holiday treats or skip a few days at the gym. After all, we are really going to get serious about our lives on January 1st! We're already starting to compile the list of the life changing things that will happen in the new year - the magical resolutions. It will be a fresh start and the things we struggle with today will be vanquished as the calendar page turns. And then January 1st arrives and we already know how this is going to turn out. That list of resolutions you are so excited about today will seem to topple like dominoes and you will quickly leave behind the idea of the fabulous new you. Less than 25% of us will have even a fingernail's grip on a single resolution by February 1st and those who really make lasting changes in their lives drops into the low single digits by the middle of the year. Not very encouraging, and not surprising. Resolutions are vague and out somewhere in the future, where something outside of you will give you the motivation, knowledge and willpower to change. They're just not specific enough, almost never have a detailed plan of how you're going to accomplish them and rarely do they include the systems and support you'll need to hang in there when things get rough (and they will). What we end up with is a big pile of guilt and shame over once again not being able to stick with it, and that is usually enough to keep us where we are until the next year rolls around again. What if you tried something different? What if you looked at every new day as an opportunity to improve your life? What if you got the support and systems in place today to help you get really clear on the priorities in your life? What if you got real with yourself about what you could accomplish and in what time frames? What if it wasn't about overnight transformation, but little steps you could manage? It can all start today, right now, wherever you are. What's stopping you!?

This is one of my favorite expressions, because it's simple, to the point and universally applicable. It's been out there in many forms for years, in everything from book titles (Marshall Goldsmith's (What Got You Here Won't Get You There: How Successful People Become Even More Successful) to one of the most popular slogans in recovery programs. Powerful truths have a way of getting around and sticking around. If we let it sink in, it requires us to be personally accountability for where we are in all areas of our lives - and all of the decisions we made that got us here. It also helps to break down A to Z thinking and we start to see the individual choices that we made along the way that directed the course of our lives. It's not a good or a bad thing, it just is. It also doesn't discount that there are often circumstances outside our control that have direct impact on our lives. But it does remind us that what we do in those circumstances is up to us. We are all doing the very best that we can in every moment. That doesn't mean that you don't make decisions that you later regret or do things you wish you hadn't. It does ask you to accept what has already happened rather beating yourself up over things that you can't change. Ultimately, it's an invitation to learn from the past and more importantly to get the secret meaning hidden in that short little sentence: that you don't have to be in this alone. If your best thinking is not getting you to where you want to be, why not allow a little outside thinking to lend a hand? Most often we look to our partners, friends or family to get that extra perspective (which is usually us trying to validate what we have already decided to do) and these can all be incredible support systems, but they don't often add new thinking to the equation. What's missing is the gift of objectivity. Getting an objective perspective on a situation may allow you to see something you may not have or see it through a different lens. That doesn't mean that someone else is making decisions for you - you always make your own decisions, even if that decision is to follow someone else's direction. What it does do is introduce new information that alters your thinking - now your best thinking is even better because it's more informed. As you head into the holiday season, you'll be presented with lots of choices. What invitations to accept, what gifts to buy (or not buy) and for whom - you get the idea. Many of us are running a grim marathon to get to January 1st, with the only goal to check off every box on our to-do list and get through it alive. Let's make this year different. Find a support system that works for you and that can help provide that objective, new thinking. For some of you it may be making the decision to get into a recovery program, talk with a spiritual counselor or find a great therapist to help you work through some of the tough stuff. For others it may be finding a really good coach or mentor to work with to get really clear on where you want to be and develop a plan to get there. So that leaves you with a decision. Is 'here' good enough or are you ready to make real, meaningful change in your life? The choice is yours, as it always is.