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If you’re like most people, you probably have at least a little clutter going on in your life.  Most of us think of clutter as the physical stuff around us that we don’t really want or need.  Those boxes in the attic from when you moved two years ago or that closet that you do your best to avoid lest you get buried in an avalanche are the typical things we think about when we talk about clutter.  But it’s much bigger than just the stuff. Stuff is part of it, but I like a broader definition of clutter.  One that includes anything that we hold on to that gets in the way of living our best life, and that applies to all areas of our lives.  It can certainly be stuff, but it can be toxic relationships that we just can’t let go of, a job that makes us miserable but pays the bills, limiting beliefs that we have about what we can or can’t do or even the emotional baggage that we lug around with us all day.  All of these (and the examples are nearly endless) get in the way of us doing the things we truly want to do and ultimately rob us of what’s truly possible in our lives. Let’s take the physical stuff as an example, as it’s the most tangible and nearly everyone can relate.  Maybe you have a pile of birthday cards going back years because you just can’t bring yourself to throw them into the recycling bin.  Or maybe it’s stacks of magazines that you really want to go through one day when you finally have the time.  Or my personal favorite, the clothes that are a size too big or a size too small that you hang on to ‘just in case’.  I’m sure you’re already thinking of a few things of you own. What do all of these examples have in common?  They make you feel bad.  You don’t throw the birthday cards out because you feel like it would mean that you didn’t appreciate them or don’t care about the people who gave them to you.  Those magazines are a constant reminder to you that you don’t follow through or finish things, and throwing them out would mean that was absolutely true.  The extra clothes are there to remind you that failure is just around the corner and inevitable, so you better hang on to them. Sounds simple, but if you’ve ever cleared any of your own clutter, you know it’s anything but. It’s hard work and you have to dig deep, sometimes REALLY deep to find out what’s going on emotionally around the stuff (or people, or baggage etc.).  If you don’t, it just comes back and usually with a vengeance because now you feel like you failed (again, feeling bad), so trying again is even harder.   But on the other side of all the clutter is your life, and no matter how many times you have to try, your life is worth it. So as we start another week, take a moment to think about some of the clutter that is getting in the way and what it would feel like if it were gone.  You might need some help and support to do it, but you’d do it if your life depended on it, wouldn’t you?  And the life you could have does.

Balance is the new holy grail for many of us, as our lives only seem to get busier by the day. The needs of work, family, friends and everyone else in our lives just keeps piling on to an ever lengthening ‘to do’ list, and the idea of fleeing to a deserted island is looking more and more appealing. There is no break in the day, no end to the emails/text/voicemails, and the time that most people can truly devote to themselves can be measured in minutes per day. All of this leaves us feeling exhausted and frustrated, with no idea of how to end the downward spiral. The good news is that things can get better. The bad news is you probably won’t like the answer because, as one of my favorite authors, Cheryl Richardson, has said many times, “no one is coming to save you’. So, it’s up to you to save yourself. For many of us trapped in the cycle of doing too much, we default to trying to do everything we’re doing more efficiently or ‘multi-taking’. Maybe you get up an hour earlier to finish that report for work while you do a load of laundry or you put off that long avoided dentist appointment so that you can take the kids to soccer when someone else cancels at the last minute. This may work for a while, but at some point, Mt. You will erupt, and I wouldn’t want to be the villagers scurrying away in the path of your fiery wrath. So that leaves you with two real options. One, do less. This is absolutely the one thing everyone should do. We all take on far more than we should, or really want to. Often, we do it because we don’t want to disappoint someone, or even more often, our overdeveloped guilt muscles push us into saying ‘yes’ when we really want to say ‘no’. Most of us could do with eliminating a third to half of the things on our plate. A scary thought to most of you (I can virtually hear the gasps of horror), but it’s reality. The second option is to ask for help, which is just a way to nudge option one along. Many of us have been conditioned not only to be independent, but ‘anti-dependent’. If you find yourself downplaying your needs rather than allowing yourself to be vulnerable enough to ask for help and support, doing things for others that you don’t even do for yourself or feeling uncomfortable at even the idea of asking for help, then I’m talking to you. Being anti-dependent will eventually sap all the joy out of your life. It’s nothing short of life threatening because guess what, there’s no prize at the end for the person who did the most for everyone but themselves. With that scary thought in mind, this week’s challenge is for all the anti-dependent people out there – and yes, I’m talking to you – to find some area of your life where you can ask someone for help or support. It doesn’t mean you have to go on strike from the carpool list or make some other drastic change. Find something small that doesn’t trip all your guilt triggers and start there. If you’re not sure where to start, find someone who can help support you in coming up with a plan. Make this the day when you start to make your life matter to you.