The Buddy: The Leader Who Needs to Be Liked
Updated: Oct 11
Owen is the manager everyone hopes to get. His team would tell you that unprompted. He remembers birthdays, he takes the blame upstairs, he never raises his voice, and his one-on-ones feel like coffee with a friend. There is a person on his team who has been missing deadlines since spring and everyone knows it, including Owen. He has not said a word. He is waiting for the right moment, and the right moment has been coming for six months. Meet the Buddy.
The Buddy is not weak. He is warm, and warm is a real strength right up until it becomes the thing he protects instead of the team. He needs to be liked a little more than he needs to lead, and the gap between those two is exactly the width of the conversation he keeps not having. He tells himself it is kindness. It is not. It is the one thing he wants from the job, being the good one, and he is buying it with other people’s work.
Look at who pays. Not the person missing the deadlines. They are fine; nobody has told them otherwise. The bill goes to the two people who quietly picked up the slack and have started to wonder why the standard applies to them and not to the person next to them. The Buddy’s best people are the ones his kindness costs the most. And the day one of them leaves, he will be surprised, because she never seemed unhappy.
Look at what it costs him. His team likes him and does not quite trust him, because trust is knowing what someone will do when it is hard, and they have watched him not do it. The line he thinks he is holding by being reasonable is the one everybody knows he will not hold. And the people above him have noticed that his team’s problems never seem to get solved, only absorbed.
Here is the reframe. Being liked is a feeling your team has about you. Being trusted is a fact they have about you. The Buddy has been collecting the first one and calling it the second. The kindest thing a leader can do is hold the line, because the line is the only thing protecting the people who are actually carrying the team.
Two moves. First, this week, say one no you have been avoiding. A clear one, warm if you like, but a no that stays a no. Watch what it does to the room; it will not be what you fear.
Second, find the person who has been covering the gap and have the retention conversation you owe them, before they have already decided to go. They need to hear that you saw it, and what you are going to do about it.
Being the good one is not the job. Being the one whose word holds is.
The Right Altitude. Available now. therightaltitudebook.com
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