The Real Reason We Avoid Hard Conversations
- 4 days ago
- 1 min read
We tell ourselves we’re waiting for the right moment.
That we need more information. That it’s “not the right time.”
But usually, we’re just afraid.
If I had to name the single most common pattern across all the leaders I’ve worked with, it’s this: avoidance of one critical conversation.
Not twenty conversations. Usually just one. The one they’ve been carrying for weeks or months. The one that’s costing them sleep, energy, and trust — and they keep telling themselves they’ll get to it when the timing is right.
The real reasons we avoid hard conversations:
We’re afraid of damaging the relationship — so we let it erode in silence instead
We’re afraid of being wrong — so we never test our assumptions
We’re afraid of emotional intensity — so we let resentment build until the conversation is ten times harder
We’re afraid of becoming the “bad guy” — so we become the leader who doesn’t care enough to be honest
These fears overestimate the risk of having the conversation and underestimate the cost of avoiding it. Every time.
Here’s what I’ve seen play out again and again: one conversation rarely destroys a relationship. But months of avoidance often does. The thing you’re protecting by staying silent is already eroding.
The conversation doesn’t get easier with time. It gets harder. The feedback that would have been helpful six months ago is now attached to consequences.
Most conversations go better than we imagine. Most people are more resilient than we assume. And the relief afterward is almost always greater than the discomfort during.
What conversation have you been putting off?
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